Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am available for nakedness
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
