I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Two words: nipple clamps
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