it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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