Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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