I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize