no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
