the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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