I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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