Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
