I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
