He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
