TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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