Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
