I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
