he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
