Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
