I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
