I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
