Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I CAN MOONWALK!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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