I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
