I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
