Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
