the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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