Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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