you're like a bully in the Christmas story
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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