I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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