And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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