I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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