i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
