I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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