ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We left an ass print on the piano.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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