we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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