Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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