i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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