I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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