Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Randomize
