i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
