Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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