I am midnight drunk by noon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
