You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
