I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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