I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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