what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
