you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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