i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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