He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
