Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
