I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
