i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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