There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
