does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
