Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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