Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
