the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
