New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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