Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
