Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
