I wish I only lived at night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
