she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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