My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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