Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
