My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
