i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
