i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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