Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
bring money and cleavage
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
