You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
