you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
