We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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