I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
