Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
