hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to have your abortion
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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