Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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