he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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