Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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